One of the biggest topics in my work is change. As a Health and Lifestyle Coach, when I meet a new client, it is when they are at the point that they have made the decision to take action – their first action being to work with me to support them to change and grow. To me, the fact they’ve taken the first big action by enlisting me to work with them is something that should be acknowledged because it is often a very brave and scary step. It is secure and comfortable staying where you are, even when you are not 100 percent happy. Change is hard, and whilst you may want to make positive progress in your life, you might not be sure how to do it.
A baseball analogy
I used to play and coach a lot of baseball. I played at a high level in my younger years. In my years of coaching and seeing people strive for a richer life I have often felt that they are the batter in a game of baseball, looking to hit a home run. They say things like “If I can just get that new job” or “It will all fall into place when I meet the right person” and “I’ll be happy when I lose the weight”. They are looking for that one big thing that they think will make them feel better, yet it’s the focusing on the limitations of where they currently are that creates spiritual resistance and repels the manifestation of what they want. Is that a little heavy? Let me try and explain. You cannot pull to you what you want if you are focused on the negatives of what you don’t want/ It’s called resistance, and it’s the number one reason people do not achieve the goals they set for themselves. Resistance is subtle and comes in many forms…you might want to be wealthy but be critical or jealous of the person you see driving a Ferrari. Can you see what’s happening here? You may want to attract wealth but you are associating a negative energy with the attainment of wealth. You might want to be skinny but mock a slim person. Or on a more personal note, you may want to travel the world or run a marathon, but wither consciously or subconsciously not believe you can do it. It’s all resistance, and it’s the ultimate manifestation blocker. And in case you’re not sure what I mean by manifestation, it’s the bringing of your desires to reality or fruition.
There are many more forces at work then we can see, and as mere mortals we do not have all the information. Has something happened to you that you didn’t want, and two years later you were in an amazing place that you would not have been in if that “bad event” had not occurred? You lost a job only to find a better one? You were dumped by the person you loved, even though it wasn’t the greatest relationship, then you met the partner of your dreams?
Back to the baseball analogy! You aren’t batting in the baseball game, you are pitching. And all you need to do is keep throwing pitches. The Universe is batting, and it will decide which ball to hit for the home run. All you need to do it keep pitching. Keep trying, with an open mind, and don’t get too attached to outcomes. There is no possibility of a home run without the pitches. Rather than set goals, set intentions, do your best to be free of all forms of resistance, and enjoy watching everything unfold.
Check out this story which illustrates that we should not be elated with the highs in life, or depressed in the lows…
Sometimes I ask people a very general question to gauge where they are at with their overall levels of life satisfaction and fulfilment. The question is “On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you right now with your life?” There are all sorts of answers ranging from 2 to 9 (for some reason very few people think a 10 is possible). Most commonly the response is 6 and 7. There’s a big problem with being a 6 or 7, and it’s that things aren’t bad enough to make you want to instigate action to improve things, but you aren’t at an 8, 9 or 10. When you’re a 3 it’s like “I’ll do whatever it takes!”. People can languish at 6’s and 7’s for years. There’s nothing awesome about being mediocre and average, then dying. Wouldn’t you rather shoot for the stars, have fun doing it, fuck up a few things along the way, and learn a shitload?
Ask yourself now what score you would rate your life happiness. It’s a general question, so a ballpark answer is fine. How do you feel about your response?
Do you feel that you have more in you?
Do you feel trapped in your job?
Are you happy in your relationship?
Are you being the best parent you can be?
Do you have holidays booked that you can look forward to?
Are you happy in your relationship?
I heard a story recently about a 60-year-old woman who became divorced from her husband. The man had not been kind to her for most of her life. One of her friends commented, “Why would you separate now? Who is going to look after you when you’re old?”
This comment implies that staying in an unhappy marriage is better than being on your own, or that you would stay with someone for the sake of convenience. The man had never looked after this woman during their entire relationship, so it was doubtful he would begin once they reached their twilight years.
Our heart knows what we want. We often use logic to talk ourselves out of following our heart. The idea is to identify what would make you happy and pursue it with a smart approach. Abundance, joy, and beauty are found on the other side of the unknown. And there is a great deal of fear associated with the unknown as well.
Joseph Campbell said it more eloquently when he said: “Follow your bliss”. He was an American professor who dedicated his life to studying the human experience.
He actually stated that there are spiritual and serendipitous reasons for following your bliss. He said when you pursue what you love, you will come across the people, ideas, time, money, resources, and whatever else you need to bring your dreams to fruition. I love the way he says that doors will open where previously there were no doors. Pretty cool, hey? It’s almost like we are rewarded by the universe for having the courage to step outside our comfort zone and pursue our passion.
Steve Jobs was also a believer in not following the norms of society. He said that we all have the power to achieve wonderful things, and we shouldn’t limit ourselves. If we are all going to be dead in 50 years, doesn’t it make sense to try as much as we can, when we are alive?